Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

Lilypie Second Birthday tickers

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Christmas Pictures!

SO Christmas time has come and gone again and this year presents were, again, not disappointing! : ) Our "boys" loved Christmas so much! There are many other pictures but here they are wearing their new bandannas and this was before the one on the left (AKA trouble) tore his brother's off. Thanks Cashy ;)

My tree is next and I loved it this year. Well, I love my tree every year so this is nothing new ; )

Okay, now on to the best part! Travis gave me presents and even had a little something to say before I opened each one. The first one I opened is the "Breakfast at Tiffany's" DVD and he told me before I opened it that this one was to show he "paid attention to me". I think I told him about a year ago I loved this DVD and wanted it. I was surprised and touched to find it in the box :)

The second present I opened was my sign. It says "All Because Two People Fell In Love" I love this sign and had it played at my wedding for my parents to dance to. Travis told me that this was to show me that he remembers "everything about us"...Swwwooon!!

The last gift was my Willow Tree Angel figurine. I recently started loving these and thought about collecting them. This one is called "Cherish" and it says Awaiting a Miracle. Travis told me this one shows me "That I believe in us". At this point it was full on waterworks for me. With out 2 angels, we have moments of lost hope at moments and this made me realize he is still "awaiting our miracle" and it just made me so happy and sad at the same time...I love this boy!

On the TTC front... I am, from what I can base on with CM, at either 9 or 10 dpo, which would mean that my period should show up shortly either late tonight or tomorrow. I have a 11 day LP just by default, because AF always shows at night on 10 dpo...but since its around 10pm, I always put it on the next day. I havent had any spotting eiher which is good news, so I will just wait and see! I hope this is it...

I will test on Sunday if no AF! Woot!

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas time!!

I am like a kid on Christmas...literally! I cannot sleep, hence the 1:30 am blog post while both my doggies and my husband are sleeping in the other room. I am so excited for Christmas! I am the type of girl that gets so happy for get-togethers and parties and the such. I love entertaining, and hosting is even more fun! I just love Christmas in general so I guess thats why. I also love Christmas because Travis gets the best gifts. Seriously, he puts a lot of thought into his gifts.

For example:

First Christmas together: I got a hand made pop-up book chronicaling our 186 days together :) And he also made me a "Boy meets Girl" DVD with pictures and music perfectly timed.

2nd Christmas: A framed poster of my favorite picture "The Sailor and the Nurse". You know the one kissing in Times Square... LOVED IT!!!

3rd: A Novel with our names in it as the main cute. It even had little inside jokes printed Travis loves Pizza Rolls, and in the novel, his nickname was Pizza Roll King! lol

4th: I got the DVD of Sleeping Beauty and a statue of Sleeping Beauty to put in our nursery for a girl. See the story is, I loved loved Sleeping Beauty as a little girl and I had it on Beta (remember that?!) I was so upset (like crying upset) when I was 5 and found out my Beta wouldn't fit in my VCR player. DH remembered and bought it for me so I would always have it :)

Okay so this Christmas I have no idea what I am getting and I am so excited about it! I cannot wait to open what sweet and thoughtful gift he got me this year!

Another thing I have no clue of... When I Oed! And its fun! I mean who would have thought that I would be okay with not being in control of my cycle?! I usually freak out about now, being that I am sure I am in the 2ww...but you know what...I am not so sure. And thats okay! I think that if this cycle is a bust I will not temp next cycle either and just play it by ear. Wierd thing though. You know when people say that they "just knew" they were pregnant? I hate to even say this because it sounds kind of absurd, but after we "did it" (sorry the 13 year old in me came out ;) on cd 14, I kinda got this chills and tingly, and just smiled. I felt this before and I turned out to be pregnant. Now I am not holding my breath (I might just pass out) but my sister felt this way both times too so I am anxiously waiting for January 2nd or 3rd when I "believe" AF will be due. I would love all the prayers and good vibes you may have, and believe me...the favor will be reciprocated!!! :)

Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Not a day goes by, sweet angels, that we don't miss you both...

To those of you who look away when I grow teary eyed in the baby department, look a little deeper.
Surely you have some compassion in your heart.

To those of you who change the subject when I speak my child's name, change your way of thinking.
It may just change your whole life.

To those of you who roll your eyes and say we barely had them at all, how could we miss them so much, in our hearts we have seen them live a thousand times. We have seen their first steps, first day of school, their weddings, and their children. We have had them forever in our minds.

To those who say we can have another, even if we had twenty more they would never be the child we lost, and we will always miss them.

To those who say get on with my life, I have. It is a different life, the life of a grieving mother. One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for, but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of.

Do not judge a bereaved mother. She comes in many forms.

She is breathing, but she is dying.

She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.

She smiles, but her heart throbs.

She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she is NOT, all at once.

She is here, but part of here is elsewhere for eternity.

Do not dismiss us: we have shaped more than just the future generation.

We have released all the tiny angels who are watching over you.

Open your eyes to us, and you just might see them.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Trying not to dwell on it too much...

So my period arrived right on time. "She" always decides to arrive around 10 or so on 11dpo...waiting just long enough for me to hope she isn't coming (bitch) but long enough that I feel comfortable marking 12dpo as cd 1 to make my luteal phase longer (okay, thats good I guess)

Anyway, I am not too too concerned as this is only my first cycle. I was kinda hoping my 40 lb weight loss would give me a leg up, but I am fully aware that there is still only a 20% chance regardless, so even though I was disappointment (naturally), I am ready to get on with it.

This next cycle though, I am thinking about taking a temping break. This past 2ww has been pretty nice without waking up every morning to take my temp so I think I might continue the trend. I have charted for 11 long cycles, so I think that I have gotten the hang of my O days and the such. I am not even going to back it up or anything with OPKs because I am a rebel like that ;) I am going back to back to my first cycle ever where I only tried on a hope and a prayer. God blessed us then, here's to hoping he will do the same this time. If not, it looks like in January, we will be testing on our birthday (should be anywhere from 11-13dpo) so thats fun. (Travis and I have the exact same birthday, just he is 4 years earlier...pretty cool huh!?)

Ahhh so Christmas is in the air. I love this time of year! This past weekend we had our "kids until we have kids" over(the twins I nannied for 5 years) :) and we gave them their Christmas presents. Now that they are 11, they are too "cool" for toys and both want laptops and digital cameras (which they got for their birthday! Spoiled!) So since we arent going to buy them a laptop (hehe), we went the clothes route, because if its one thing these girls love...its clothes (awww just like their "momma" Chelsey ;) We got them these long tunic/dress things and some leggings that were more like tights. They ran off to try them on. We also got them t-shirts that were pretty cool, so when they went to go try those on, Myah (the more shy one) brought along her jeans to put it on with. MacKenzie (we'll call her the exhibitionist ;) come prancing out in her new shirt and the leggings. I took a double take and never laughed so hard in my life when I saw her acting like there was nothing weird about coming out into the living room with tight leggings and a cute top on. I told her she should totally where them to school like that, and DH could not stop laughing. It was a fun moment! This prompted me to race her around the house to snap a shot of it. I will post it later, but I will tell you...this shot made me almost pee my pants. Travis said we were going to put it on myspace...that alone made her mortified (p.s. we wont do that ;)

So all in all, a good weekend. Some drama, but that is to be expected in my life. Why is it that since I have none of my own, people want to bring it to me. I don't get it. Hey, at least I can be the calm listening ear, and then hang up and go back to my wonderful husband and my cute little life. I told Travis last night how much I love my little family (us and our dogs) and how happy I am. He hugged me tight and told me "me too love" I love him.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Kenny Chesney makes some good songs...

Watch this video...warning, it made me bawl on the way home from work tonight. I mean like, sob bawl. I just kept thinking about my babies.

On Thanksgiving night, Travis and I were driving home and a song came on the radio. Travis usually doesn't like country and I do, and he was about to change the channel, but I stopped him. I told him this was a good song and he should listen to it. We just held hands and listened to the lyrics and when good parts came up we would squeeze each other's hand. I love my husband. He gets me.

Here is the song:

The Good Stuff
Well, me and my lady had our first big fight
So I drove around 'till I saw the neon lights
Of a corner bar, It just seemed right, So I pulled up
Not a soul around but the old barkeep
Down at the end and loooking half asleep
But he walked up and said what'll it be?
I said the good stuff
He didn't reach around for the whiskey
He didn't pour me a beer
His blue eyes kinda went misty
He said you can't find that here
'Cause it's the first long kiss on a second date
Momma's all worried when you get home late
And droppin' the ring in the spaghetti plate 'cause
your hands are shakin' so
And it's the way that she looks with the rice in her
Eatin' burnt supper the whole first year
And askin' for seconds to keep her from tearin' up
Yeah man, that's the good stuff

He grabbed a carton of milk and he poured a glass
And I smiled and said I'll have some of that
We sat there and talked as an hour passed like old
Saw a black and white picture and he caught my stare
It was a pretty girl with mufont hair
He said that's my Bonnie, taken about a year after we
He said I spent five years in the bottle when the
cancer took her from me
But I've been sober three years now
'Cause the one thing stronger than the whiskey
Was the sight of her holdin' my baby girl
The way she adored that string of pearls
I gave her the day that our youngest boy Earl married
his high school love
It's a new t-shirt sayin' I'm a grandpa
Bein' right there as our time got small
And holdin' her hand when The Good Lord called her up
Yeah man, that's the good stuff

He said when you get home she'll start to cry
When she says I'm sorry, say so am I
And look into those eyes so deep in love
And drink it up
'Cause that's the good stuff
That's the good stuff

So, I saw another shooting star tonight. This makes the second I have seen this month. The third I have seen in my life. I am a believer in signs and such. I think its my babies. Telling Mommy they are having a blast up in heaven and everything is okay. When I saw the first one, I grinned. Tonight, I was beaming. I love them and I hope they are having the time of their life up there. :)

Well I am 6 dpo and not temping. I have had some sore boobs, backache and cramping and the tiniest bit of spotting tonight. Probably wouldn't have seen it if I am not OCD about toilet paper since my m/c. I think its a habit (a gross one!) , but I check my TP every time. Weird. I am hoping for the best but preparing for the worst, if you are picking up what I am putting down. Fingers crossed!

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