Its really over now...

I have my D&C today, and have been looking forward to it. I want to know that my uterus "looks" okay, and that there is nothing wrong on that end. But, when I was hugging DH today and sending him off to work...I started crying, hard. My surgery today means its all over. Everything will be gone, no baby left. It made me realize thats its all over, that we have to start again. I guess this is the realization my body was searching for. Last time I had my m/c, they did everything in one day. This time I have had nearly a week between the bad news and the procedure. I have felt like I was in shock the past couple of days. I was in a numb state, not knowing what to feel or what to think. I felt guilty for taking the new better this time. I felt like I was a bitter person for thinking, well I kinda thought it might happen. I think what my body and mind were looking for the closure of it all. I think a lot of tears will be shed today. I am okay with that. I am okay because I have been waiting for the floodgates to open. I have felt so bad that I haven't cried too much. I have felt really numb to it all. But, finally, I have my closure.

According to aerodynamic laws, the bumblebee cannot fly. Its body weight is not the right proportion to its wingspan. Ignoring these laws, the bee flies anyway.
~M. Sainte-Lague