Day 2 is harder I think

"For I have plans for you,' sayeth the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 3:22


I am really feeling the pain today. Its not only the physical soreness and such, but the heartbreak. When I wrote that my body needed closure, I didn't realize how right I really was. I am feeling pretty low right now...I don't want to eat, have lost a little hope, and all I want to do it sleep. Its like a depression. Of course, my body needs time to heal. It needs to grieve my loss, and I need to mourn my baby. I loved this little one...I will always love this little one.

On a happier note, here are my goals before we try to try again.

1. My # 1 one goal is to lose weight. I lost about 110 lbs about 2 years ago and I have gained quite a bit back. My ultimate goal is to lose 50 lbs. No, I will not lose that in 3 months, but I am hoping to lose about 30 by then...lofty, I know.

2. Get together a remeberance box for my little ones. Include u/s pics, pee stick pics, letters my DH and I wrote about their memories and my hospital bracelets, etc. I am really excited about doing this.

3. Find a new job. I love my job, I do, and as much as they are like family, I think I need something more. They know we are trying to have a baby, and now with 2 losses, they will be asking more and more every month if I am pregnant. I need a fresh beginning, where no one knows my back story unless I decide to tell them, and my co-workers don't know the time my period starts every month (seriously, How The Hell Do They Know This?!?!?) I actually got a call about a registration rep manager job in a hospital and put in there application and they are doing my background checks as we speak. I am pretty stoked about this.

Thats all I got for now. I will probably come up with more in the coming months.

God Bless.